so it was halloween.

sometimes you've gotta count your blessings.
i am really very blessed.
to have my mom and dad who are proud of who i am and want to hug me.
to have my brother who thinks im cooler than him and takes care of me always.
to have these amazing few friends that i know got me. get me. wont judge me.
to be in love with a guy who treats me like an absolute queen even though i think princesses are prettier.
to have a brain.
to have a heart.
to have had pizza for dinner.
and it was good.

kerouacs goin down. i finished "on the road" a while ago and today with 2 hours free time with my name on it i read all of "tristessa". that wasnt very hard to do though.

i used to really think heroin and other drugs you can inject into your body were cool.
i'm glad i never thought they were that awesome.
just awesome enough to record a couple songs here and there, right katie, lara and jesse phipps?

you are healed.

let me clear my throat.

yes.

all former lovers become blurry lessons.

all jealousy is a jail of lousy reasons.

a boy named joe took these at the halloween party.
here we have preston and i on the ones and twos. hes a married man with some marvelous dj skills.


as you can see here im dancing with a banana and there is also my brothers gross nordic warrior face in the background. he won the costume contest.



im hoping to find more pics in the coming week.
this weeks gossip girl blew my brains out.
soooo good.
josh is very good looking.
i think thats all i really have to say at 2am.

i will not lie. i have a deep passion for zac efron. yes i said it. yes i did go see highschool musical 3 today with my boyfriend. yes we have already discussed choreography plans.
i said it. its true.

bart took this photo two centuries ago and i thought id never see it again. it was printed in a book of photography he was selling. hmmm.

best costume choice ever

i didnt get a lot of photos last night. you know me and my lens cap losing fears.

we live in a modern society. husbands and wives don't
grow on trees, like in the old days. so where
does one find love? when you're sixteen it's easy,
like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. there's the first kiss.
the sloppy kiss. the peck.
the sympathy kiss. the backseat smooch. the we
shouldn't be doing this kiss. the but your lips
taste so good kiss. the bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.
the I wish you'd quit smoking kiss.
the I accept your apology, but you make me really mad
sometimes kiss. the i know
your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. as you get
older, kisses become scarce. you'll be driving
home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road,
with its purple thumb out. if you
were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's
red door just to see how it fits. oh where
does one find love? if you rub two glances, you get a smile.
rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.
rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss.
now what? don't invite the kiss over
and answer the door in your underwear. it'll get suspicious
and stare at your toes. don't water the kiss with whiskey.
it'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters,
but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of
your body without saying good-bye,
and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left
on the inside of your mouth. you must
nurture the kiss. turn out the lights. notice how it
illuminates the room. hold it to your chest
and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a
special beach. place it on the tongue's pillow,
then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath
a babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.
but one kiss levitates above all the others. the
intersection of function and desire. the i do kiss.
the i'll love you through a brick wall kiss.
even when i'm dead, i'll swim through the earth,
like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.

party party tonight.
princess leia <3s han solo
finally i got what i wanted. jeez.

i really hope i dont talk in my sleep as much as i think i do.
im sure i would be saying some really messed up things.

just a thought. i was thinking about how many times i got out of a car at 3 am only to shout out "asshole!" and stumble inside to three more hours of sleep and then work and then get picked up from work by that "asshole!"
i thought a little bit about the good drop offs too. i'll give it to ya. when i was the "most beautiful girl in the world" and the only thing that upset me at 3 am in my drive way was the thought of a zombie attack. i'm always on the look out.

flash forward. none of that shit matters.
its really cold outside and i am the luckiest girl in the world and after so many hits and knock downs i still run to the door as fast as i can at 2 am from possible zombies but i do it knowing for a fact this time that i am beautiful, intelligent, loved, and so so so blessed.
growth used to scare the hell out of me and the physical side of it still does
but it feels good. i mean im into it.


i wish i attended the university of maryland.
or africa
id attend africa.

a few photos from easton, md

a poem: medusa oblongata

i wished for you like old women wished they would've perished first.
every kiss was a dead language.
every kiss was a chance to spit in your mouth.
now you let your skirt fall like an empire.
lead his tongue into the nile.
taste the meat around his teeth.
promote your hands from your howls to your breasts.
as he beats the snakes out for you
your spot turns to soup.
drown him in this months blood.
no matter how hard you drill,
brother, you will not find oil.
feel her sex go tepid.
non-seduced spasmo-cadavers.
pretend i no longer dwell in you.
i told you id return.
i am in his medicated thrust.
i am in his wallet as it buys your legs into the air
i am his hiss crawling across your tonsils.
call it a night
call it what it is.
when i said you were remarkable
i said real marketable.
some churches are abandoned
but can't be torn down
you are smoke.

im home from maryland. i have one million photos from my adventure with josh and sara's family. a great time was had by all indeed! josh and i saw the junkyard ghost revival crew at the university of maryland friday night meaning i got to meet my beloved derrick brown. from myspace. to texts. to in my arms. we squeezed each other. it was nice.
im in love with the city of easton and i decided thats where i want to be.
oh and its
official

big dumb blanket forts to keep out the cynics.

derrick brown friday niiight im excited!

family dinner with joshua a complete success. my mom is completely smitten. and you should know my mother doesn't like most humans.
i've been taking some pointers from the closet of blair waldorf so far this fall in fashion. i'd be fine never wearing jeans again honestly. headbands and red lips are becoming essential to me.




maryland this friday with the boyfriend to see my S and her babies + derrick brown.
its been too too long. saras been my true number one girl over all the years. i mean that just shows. thanks for staying classy, sara guns.

ha!

i saw this on a bulletin. laughed and laughed.

the past be the past

i really do get the whole keeping the dead underground thing. so in a successful act of cleaning my room i found tons of things from the dead. i boxed it all up and dropped it into the pits of mordor. have fun with all that, sauron! its been over and done with and i couldn't be more pleased!

jungle2jungle with ryan

and

we are cuties

first photography gig with ryan meadows done. a success! pictures sometime soon.

home before midnight.

i got my first photography gig.
yeah yeah yeah.

just wanted to say

i fell asleep in the mall today and got woken up
by the oxygen mask man.
i am a mall hobo.
i get to see sara, her babies and derrick brown in a week.
joshua is the best boyfriend ever.
ive proved it.
im happy julia and i are rekindling our romance.
its nice the way things have worked out
in every possible way of anything in my life
working its way out.
im 22 and hungry for more.
my european adventure is right around the corner.
dirty hostels, wine, drunken stumbling early in the morning
to that hostel, train rides, and never coming home.

and the best part about it all really is that im updating this blog
while wearing a slave leia costume.
MMHMM!

halloween 1995

i'm freezing.